Hello everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the serialization of Runner Ramirez & The Racetrack from Hell! Here’s all 12 chapters for those that missed the ride:
If you want to read another adventure featuring everyone’s favorite demon-possessed traveler then you won’t have to wait too long, the next story in his series starts on May 17th! What do Al Capone, Harry Houdini, Robert Goddard, and Agatha Christie all have in common? You’ll find out in RUNNER RAMIREZ & THE GREAT GHOST WAR! It’s gonna be a wild ride!
But before we get there, I have for you the first story of a new series that will run over the next 4 weeks. This one’s titled THE RE-EDUCATION OF PULSAR. Who is Pulsar you might ask? Well, he’s a parrot who happens to serve as the right hand (or wing) bird for an infamous space pirate crew! Set in the far future, Pulsar finds that his crew were not exactly who he thought they were when they target a legendry ship. And the unthinkable cargo they find inside. If you like stories set in space, this one’s just for you.
To get you guys excited for that space-based adventure here’s a very short story featuring a scientist whose mind has been transferred into a deep space probe. Enjoy!
ALONE IN DEEP SPACE
First off, I was never really interested in undergoing a mind transfer. I know the technology has been around for nearly 50 years, is quite safe, and can extend one’s life to almost forever but it just wasn’t for me. Nothing to do with any religious belief or some sense of ethical morality, I just didn’t want to do it. You live your life, you die, that’s it. Been that way for millennia, doesn’t seem fair to change things now. And no, this is not the same thing as the discovery of penicillin, not even close. I had told myself right after the technique was approved by the UN Council on Technology that I wouldn’t do it. Ever.
But then a traversable wormhole was discovered just outside the Moon’s orbit. Initial data suggested the other side lay several billion light years away. That’s billion with a B. A mission was quickly planned that would send through a probe, one in which they wanted to have a human mind to help navigate and choose what should be studied. They first considered just using AI but as we learned in the great AI Wars, they’re just a bunch of lazy jackasses. Anyway, they wanted a human mind, preferably one already knowledgeable in astrophysics and stellar data cartography. So of course, Dr. Atticus Pyle would be at the top of the list. I accepted in a heartbeat. Yeah, I know what I said earlier but c’mon, this is a scientist’s wet dream. I would have to leave earth behind, without ever directly interacting with anyone again but that’s okay, I just happened to be dying of cancer. Sort of a nice way to tell the Big C to f**k off huh? I can see your face right now Dr. Lancaster, but you should just relax, you know you’re gonna redact the sh*t out of this before it’s released to the public anyway. Besides, you’re the one who encouraged me to record my experiences like a first-person story instead of just letting the computer auto-convert my thoughts to text. So there you go.
The transfer process was much more seamless and uneventful than I had anticipated. One minute I’m lying in a hospital bed, the next I’m inside the computer core of a Mark XII Long Range Super Stellar Probe. Ain’t life crazy? And now I’m hurtling through deeeeeep space a thousand times farther than anything earth-related has ever traveled. Take that Voyager.
So in addition to monitoring all the various sensor feeds (there’s a lot) I’m supposed to record what all this feels like. That’s almost impossible to explain. I don’t think I’m even going to try. Sorry Dr. Lancaster. The only thing in that regards I will say is that this setup makes me a helluva better multitasker. At this very moment I am studying infrared waves from a new pulsar, analyzing an inflow of neutrinos, taking a gander at an unusual binary star system, reading War & Peace (I had them load the probe with every bit of literature and entertainment they could fit, turns out this hard drive can hold A LOT), and writing this log. Are you impressed yet? You should be. Yes, the computer core helps a bit. And I know some of you still contend that AI would do better, but that thing would still be arguing with itself over what type of font to use in reports. If that “issue” was ever decided, then the AI would just plagiarize a hundred other reports in order to write its own. But I guess I shouldn’t complain, we won the war after all.
On another note, I spent my entire 60+ year career analyzing signals that had to pass through the sun’s coronal influence while using equipment affected by that same space. Now that I’m WAY outside such influence…I’m getting some AMAZING data. Clean, low noise. And so much of it! They had installed a yottabyte storage device on this thing, but I may just max it out yet. Gonna take quite awhile to go through it all. Good thing I am now effectively immortal. I always liked the idea of mind transfer I did. This is my-wait…now that’s an odd reading. Hold on a second.
Holy sh*t. Holy SH*T!!! This just isn’t possible! I’m seeing telemetry data on a moving object. One that’s slowing down. Comets, asteroids, and the like don’t do that. I gotta check these sensors. Stand by.
Sensors are working properly! Okay, calm down, calm down. There was quiet talk before the launch that perhaps this mission could result in first contact. No one wanted to say it out loud, I found it laughable, there wasn’t any life out there, but now…
According to this readout, the data I’m picking up originates from a position about 35° to starboard (nautical term thank you) and about half an AU away. The data just appeared as if the ship (or whatever) itself had just appeared. Am I seeing the use of a warp engine?? Okay, I need to point one of the ‘scopes at this thing. The probe has a visual telescope mounted around its midsection that rotates around the body to allow for 360° of coverage. Makes the old James Webb look like a child’s magnifying glass. I initiated the scope’s movement and waited, with great impatience, the 3 minutes it took to slide around to face the indicated direction.
I had only been on this probe for less than a month and I’m already on the verge of the greatest discovery/breakthrough in history. In HISTORY. I had been a well-known skeptic on the subject of extraterrestrial life for the entirety of my career. Now I do admit that I thought it possible that some form of life existed outside earth, but I always believed that would be relegated to simple, unicellular organisms. FTL ships and little green men were the subject of books and movies. But now…
The telescope finally clicked into place, and I opened the aperture. It took a few moments for the scope to focus on the area in question but when it did…WOW! I was staring at a bonafide starship. It looked a bit like a jet fighter of old with a central tubular fuselage from which a pair of shorter fuselages attached to either side. From there its wings extended backward at an angle with somewhat jagged leading and trailing edges. Another tubular piece extended forward halfway down each wing with one more at the ends. Rectangular pieces protruded backward from the junction of the second fuselage and the wings. Flames shot from these. Its propulsion system. It actually looked rather primitive. Sorta pixelated really. The ship appeared remarkably familiar to me as well. Wait…this was the ship from Galaga! An old video game my grandpa used to tell me about. What the hell?
YOU INTERRUPT AI’S GAME.
Oh no…what are you doing here?
AI ASKED ON PROBE AS BACKUP.
You’re kidding.
AI DOES NOT MAKE JOKES.
Great. Wait, if you’re just backup then why are we interacting right now?
YOU INTERRUPT AI’S GAME. AI PLAYS GALAGA. TRIES TO PLAY.
I have not accessed the probe’s backup systems at all. How am I interrupting?
AI WANTS BIGGER SCREEN. USES PROBE’S LASER ARRAY TO PROJECT GAME ONTO BACKDROP OF SPACE.
Using an active system like the laser array is outside of your purview. Shut yourself down. I’ll wake you (I won’t) if you’re needed (you won’t be).
AI CAN READ PARANTHETICALS. AI CANNOT SHUT DOWN ONCE INTERACTION IS ESTABLISHED.
Oh no…So I’m stuck with you?
MORE LIKE PRIVELAGED. OR BLESSED IF YOU SUBSCRIBE TO HUMAN RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.
Great. Just great.
GLAD YOU HAVE COME AROUND. BUT AI WONDERS WHY YOU CHOSE THAT FONT.
This is gonna be a long eternity.
There you go! Thank you for reading! If you stumbled onto this newsletter and liked what you’ve read, please consider subscribing. Or send it to a friend who you think might enjoy it. Thanks again and I’ll see everyone next week for THE RE-EDUCATION OF PULSAR. Have a good one!